It is just about to be Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for!
Recently, I have come to terms with my alcohol problem.
Yes, I have an alcohol problem. I havent been able to admit it to very many people, sometimes not even myself, but I have one.
It's really sad, because I used to be able to enjoy drinking and my husband enjoys to drink. And some of my friends like to drink!
Things have to change though. About 3/4 times I drink, I black out and spend hours vomiting.
I thought that I could start limiting myself to only drinking with dinner or just have two drinks, but I never stay with it.
I'm very thankful that my husband is so forgiving. I've told him the worst things you can ever say to your spouse and not remember a thing the next day. A few times he has spent hours taking care of me (while I curse at him the whole time) and then go to work without any sleep. And then he actually forgives me. As soon as I call to apoligize when I wake up, he's already forgiven me. He is amazing and way too gracious.
And I don't crave alcohol. I only drink now and again. But when I do drink, I usually cannot stop.
So, I've come to the decision that I can no longer drink. I'm going to go all of 2012 without a drink!! This will also help me to quit smoking, because I only smoke when I drink!
I will be so proud of myself if I can accomplish this.
What I am thankful for is such a supporting husband, family, and a few friends.
Don't judge me for the stuff I've admitted...
But if you do judge me for it, it's not my problem.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
An amazing poem that inspires me
I'm usually not into poems, but this one is seriously amazing.
I listen to it and read it often to remind myself of what kind of person I want to be.
You can read it below or listen to it on youtube.
The poem starts at 1:12
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
Max Ehrmann c.1920
I listen to it and read it often to remind myself of what kind of person I want to be.
You can read it below or listen to it on youtube.
The poem starts at 1:12
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
Max Ehrmann c.1920
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Learning to treat you husband like a MAN
I feel like some married women I have come into contact with have little respect for their husbands. I hate to judge, but I feel like this is a pretty common (yet horrible!) problem. If you don't struggle with this now, you might struggle with it in the future or you might have already struggled with it in the past. Maybe he has a problem or a flaw that you have a hard time coping with. Trust me, I've had problems with my husband that, for a time, made it hard to be a sweet loving wife to him.
BUT...
If you feel like your husband is not doing his part in the relationship, that does not give you the "O.K." to stop doing you're part. If you're a Christian, you should believe that holding bitterness in your heart regarding your husband is not what God wants you to do. If you are not a christian, you should believe that it isn't the right thing to do.
If your husband works hard to support you, then he deserves you to treat him with respect. Even if you don't feel like he is being "the man", as I said before, this doesn't give you the "O.K" to not be a loving wife.
Let's get real, as soon as you get married, you wont all of the sudden learn how to cook and clean like Martha Stuart. You don't suddenly turn into Suzie Home-maker. I am the farthest thing from it. Honestly, who has that kind of time? Not me. BUT, I think trying to do what you can do shows respect for your husband. Trying to learn new things and better yourself is a loving thing to do. Better-ing yourself is the most loving, selfless, and respectful thing you can do (in my opinion).
In my opinion:
DO's: Treat him like a MAN. That is how you are supposed to treat him.
DONT'S: Publicly complain about him whether it be in person or facebook. That is the most disrespectful thing you can do. And it doesn't put you in a good light either.
Something I read:
"Begin today to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected and admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me differently—lovingly. Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word." (from marriagemissions.com)
BUT...
If you feel like your husband is not doing his part in the relationship, that does not give you the "O.K." to stop doing you're part. If you're a Christian, you should believe that holding bitterness in your heart regarding your husband is not what God wants you to do. If you are not a christian, you should believe that it isn't the right thing to do.
If your husband works hard to support you, then he deserves you to treat him with respect. Even if you don't feel like he is being "the man", as I said before, this doesn't give you the "O.K" to not be a loving wife.
Let's get real, as soon as you get married, you wont all of the sudden learn how to cook and clean like Martha Stuart. You don't suddenly turn into Suzie Home-maker. I am the farthest thing from it. Honestly, who has that kind of time? Not me. BUT, I think trying to do what you can do shows respect for your husband. Trying to learn new things and better yourself is a loving thing to do. Better-ing yourself is the most loving, selfless, and respectful thing you can do (in my opinion).
In my opinion:
DO's: Treat him like a MAN. That is how you are supposed to treat him.
DONT'S: Publicly complain about him whether it be in person or facebook. That is the most disrespectful thing you can do. And it doesn't put you in a good light either.
Something I read:
"Begin today to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected and admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me differently—lovingly. Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word." (from marriagemissions.com)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
5 Love Languages
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
What is your husband's love language?
What is yours?
I actually have no idea what my husband's is!! But he is very thoughtful and always gets me little gifts (a drink when he goes to the gas station, a keychain when he goes to the halloween store, etc.) I am WAY less thoughtful than he is. Since he loves to give gifts, maybe his love language is recieving gifts??
I don't have any money right now, but i made him cookies and brought them to his work to show I care.
Find out what you're man's love language is! If you don't automatically know, try to figure it out without asking! :)
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
What is your husband's love language?
What is yours?
I actually have no idea what my husband's is!! But he is very thoughtful and always gets me little gifts (a drink when he goes to the gas station, a keychain when he goes to the halloween store, etc.) I am WAY less thoughtful than he is. Since he loves to give gifts, maybe his love language is recieving gifts??
I don't have any money right now, but i made him cookies and brought them to his work to show I care.
Find out what you're man's love language is! If you don't automatically know, try to figure it out without asking! :)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Learning to be your Husband's Mistress pt. 1
If you're married, you've had plenty of those moments where you're laying comfortable in bed and you're husband is trying to mess with you, wanting sex or (something else). It's the absolute last thing in the entire world you want to do at this moment. Maybe you'd rather throw something at his head and yell, "do it yourself!"
But that's not what you should do.
If God made men, than he has made them with their sexual desires, right? God also made sex and for it to be between a husband and a wife then. I don't know why man's sexual desires seem to be so much more than a woman's, but that is how it is.
Being married is putting someone before yourself and that's all there is to it.
Being your husband's mistress is not something that happens over night. In fact, I am far from it and hoping it's something that can really be achieved! But I think the first step is to say "yes" a heck of a lot more than you feel like saying it.
But that's not what you should do.
If God made men, than he has made them with their sexual desires, right? God also made sex and for it to be between a husband and a wife then. I don't know why man's sexual desires seem to be so much more than a woman's, but that is how it is.
Being married is putting someone before yourself and that's all there is to it.
Being your husband's mistress is not something that happens over night. In fact, I am far from it and hoping it's something that can really be achieved! But I think the first step is to say "yes" a heck of a lot more than you feel like saying it.
Learning to Grow Up pt. 1
I need to quit smoking for good.
I have been smoking for about 8 years now! Mostly just the occasional cigarette...
But I've been married for almost three years and my life isn't just about me anymore.
I might not be having kids NOW, but when the time comes, I want to be ready. I want to be a grown up! I want to put away the things of my youth and one of those things is smoking.
Even if kids never come into the picture, I want to grow old with my husband, not have him watch me die of lung cancer. That would be horrible.
I need to take care of myself so that we can hopefully have a long time together. :)
So, ugh, here it goes.
I have been smoking for about 8 years now! Mostly just the occasional cigarette...
But I've been married for almost three years and my life isn't just about me anymore.
I might not be having kids NOW, but when the time comes, I want to be ready. I want to be a grown up! I want to put away the things of my youth and one of those things is smoking.
Even if kids never come into the picture, I want to grow old with my husband, not have him watch me die of lung cancer. That would be horrible.
I need to take care of myself so that we can hopefully have a long time together. :)
So, ugh, here it goes.
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